The News:

December 23, 2008 - Bad Santa? Who swiped the coat from the Maltese Club?

I received an e-mail from a patron of the Maltese club on Michigan Avenue that a Santa swiped their coat. She described it as a London Fog Brown micro-fiber mens extra large ski-jacket type. In the coat were keys, along with a pair of leather gloves and black ear muffs in the pocket. The Santa left behind a two tone green jacket with a cigarette lighter in the pocket. Can anyone help us out with this one? ~ Thanks

December 22, 2008 - Does anyone know David Cole??? We found something of his. We also have in our collection 2 prosthetic limbs and slightly chipped glass eye and a colostomy bag that has "180 proof" written in sharpie on the side. Thanks ~ Santa

December 22, 2008 - Thanks to all the Santarchists who participated this year. If you have any pictures you would like to share with the web site, please send them to santarchist at detroitsantarchy dot com. If'n you'd like to see some of the pics that have been sent so far, please visit here. ~ Thanks.

December 20, 2008 - From parts unknown with a combined weight of 1317 pounds!!!!!!!

Behold....Elvis and the Graceland Grave Robbers will be entertaining the Santarchists from 9pm to 9:30 at Blondies. If I didn't already know Elvis was still alive I know he would be squirming in his grave. Luckily Elvis is happy just hangin' out in Paducah,Ky where he earns a meager living doing tune ups, exhaust systems and karate lessons.

EYEEEE YAAAA ...CHOP CHOP!! EWWWWW WAAAHHHHHHH!!! UGHHHHHHH!!! Sorry... you just can't spell the shit I heard comin' out of that trailer. See you freaks in a few hours. Read the blogs and bulletins.

Thanks, Santa the Magician (I can sure make vodka disappear)

December 19, 2008 - Detroit Santarchy is less than 30 hours away!!

I trust you all have your Santa suits,Elf Suits, Naughty Miss Clause Suits deloused, ironed and ready for another mayhem filled night of Santarchy.

If at this point you have any questions please read over the last 4 or 5 blogs and pray for a magical moment of reading comprehension that rivals you're pre-drinking days. Some of the clubs on our list have some really cool shows going on tomorrow. At the Magic Stick there's a Pinup art exhibit with 3 bands plus a burlesque show; and next door at the Majestic Theatre is an indoor circus "Torch with a Twist". Expect lots of fire and circus freaks... in other words... you'll be with kindred spirits. The Works on Michigan Ave. will have a "Fetish" night party so scare up some clean underwear if you decide to dance on the tables or you're likely to end up in one of those interweb pictorials with the subject line "priceless". We cleared everything with every bar that as long as you have this years bus pass they won't charge you a cover charge. You can thank them by purchasing a beverage or two.

The Ann Arbor bus will leave from the Blind Pig at 7pm sharp so get there by 6:30-6:45 to get your bus pass. Same thing for the two Theatre Bizarre buses. We had poopy weather today but tomorrow looks good. Santa is snowed in today and taking full advantage of the down time by pre-soaking his liver. If Gymnasts do warm ups for their sport... why not I??? See you freaks tomorrow!

  
Click here to see more pics from Christmas Past!

December 18, 2008 - Santa has been reeeeeaaaally busy answering questions that have already been answered in the last big ass post 'what every santa needs to know.'

Ordinarily its no big deal but its starting to interfere with my two fisted drinkin' style. I think I'm going to have to get one of those hats with the hoses and beer can holders. Anyways... please read that post ALL THE WAY THROUGH.

There are now 12 bars on our list: Blondies, Gaelic League, Lj's, Harry's, Comet Bar, Old Miami, Magic Stick, Union Street, Lager House, Caseys, The Works, and the Corktown Tavern. If you're wearing a Santa Suit and have a Santarchy bus pass, there will be NO cover charges for any of you at any of the clubs. We'll have a flyer with whats going on at each bar that night so you can decide where you want to stop and when. 4 buses will be traveling in a closed loop constantly from 9:30 onward till 1:30am.

Although there are now 12 bars participating, there are only 6 stops with all bars within' a one minute walking distance from the stop. If you haven't purchased a Santa suit or washed the dirt and vomit out of last years suit, do so! I received an e-mail from a Santa telling me Party City has them now for $22 !!! Must be the ghetto Santa version... which will be PERFECT! Its 9:20 am now and I have a headache since I did not have my morning cocktail yet. I must go.

  
So many Santas. So hard to get a drink.

December 16, 2008 - What every Santa needs to know : Surviving Santarchy '08

As you all well know , Detroit Santarchy is this Saturday December 20th. Our meeting venue this year is Blondies on W. Fort Street, 2 blocks west of Rosa Parks Ave. And remember, you must be Santa Clausified, Elfinated or be attired in some other appropriate costuming to purchase a bus pass.

This year we'll have two buses leaving from Theatre Bizarre and one from the Blind Pig in Ann Arbor. The Theatre Bizarre buses will start loading up at 7pm; and the Ann Arbor birkenstock bus at 6:45 pm. Don't piss around and get there late because the Theatre Bizarre buses will be leaving at 7:15 pm sharp; and the A2 bus leaves promptly at 7:00 pm. For the uninitiated Theatre Bizarre is located on State Fair, 2 blocks east of Woodward Ave. Parking is on the street . The Blind Pig has a parking garage directly across from it so hopefully you can focus long enough to find it.

The bus pass this year is $20 (even for all you hippies coming from Ann Arbor!!) Again... Get there early. You know... 6:30ish and pack a $20 bill for Santa's sake! Bus passes will be sold as you board the bus and we don't need to be fumblin' in the dark through your coin collection, wrinkled up dollar bills, and/or various forms of contraband trading booty.

If your plan is to just show up at Blondies, get there between 8 & 10pm. They do have a gated parking lot but you still might want to leave the Lexus home that night. Bus passes will be sold till 11-11:30 p.m.ish at Blondies. After that the bus helpers will have a few passes on hand for you pokey stragler Santas.

The buses will start rolling at 9:30. To get things goin' and keep things moving, here's the plan. The sleighs will take a load of Santas to the first stop (Gaelic League / LJ's) then return to Blondies and pick up more Santas. After the second drop off the buses will continue to stop #2 (Harry's and The Comet Christmas bar). Feel free to hang where you're at for a bit... or continue onward. Stop # 3 is one Detroit's favorite punk dives "The Old Miami". Stop #4 is The Magic Stick and The Union Street Saloon. The Stick is having a Burlesque and Pinup art show as well as 3 bands playing that night.

After leaving those digs sit back and enjoy the bright lights and sour smells of Woodward Ave as your sleigh heads to the next stop. Feel free to interact with with fellow motorists and Fox Theatre patrons as only a Santarchist can do. I don't want to put thoughts in your heads but the buses do go right next to the Campus martius Ice rink??? They may be closed... but to Santa??? Hmm?? Everyone loves Santa. Anyways... I digress once more. The #5 stop is The Lagerhouse and finishing up the route is Stop #6 The Works (Fetish Night), Corktown Tavern (Margaret DollRod and other Detroit artists doing solo Christmas tunes; plus DJ JR will be spinnin' the rockin'est Christmas tunes you'll ever HEAR!!! Also check out Casey's Pub and the Maltese at the same stop.

By 10:30 we should have the whole route working well with a sleigh swingin' by every bar every 8-12 minutes including stops back to Blondies should you wimp out early. With a few hundred Santas and Santa helpers letting loose these past few years, things can get pretty wild. Thats cool. But PLEASE respect the space around other Santarchists if requested. Having said that, don't be a tight ass either. If a Santa or bar patron bumps into you... LET IT GO. If someone steps on your foot... LET IT GO. If a glowing Santa stares at your girlfriend because she looks like hottie Mrs. Clausey... LET IT GO. If someone pukes on your shoes... LET IT GO!! Or get some quicker feet. This is all stuff that has happened that has turned into fights. If you're that type of Santa... STAY HOME and play your Nintendo! To all you Pukers though??? ...ACHTUNG! ...The buses do have windows that open. USE THEM! Besides... it makes for a great kodak moment for passerbys. The buses will all do a final sweep at 1:20-1:30am and be back at Blondies by 1:45am. Please watch your friends and don't let them take the Browns to the SuperBowl during this time. We always loose a few Santas to those late night bathroom excursions. Leave NO Santa behind! Remember. At 4 am, even the merriest Santa is fair game in the Cass Corridor.

Its going to be another FUN Santarchy. No matter what's thrown in our faces: shitty economy, riots, thug mayors, etc... Detroiter have always been able to hang together, laugh our asses off and sling a few cold ones back . Its how we stay sane... but not too sane... cus that would be boring. Merry Christmas. See you all Saturday!!

December 15, 2008 - A word about Santa suits and then some...

Don't wait to the last minute to find a Santa suit!!! Every year we get some Numbnut asking us a day before Santarchy if we have any santa suits for sale or know where they can get one. Locally Target and Wallymart sells them but there's a few places online. http://www. barsanta. com is a good source but allow 2-3 day s for shipping from Philly.

To all you Santas that have suits ... PULL them out and inspect them for rips, holes, blood stains, pee/poo stains, caked vomit. old beer smell. If they have any of the things I just mentioned..They're GOOD to go !!! ok... We have to draw the line at the pee/poo stains. Throw it in the wash or duct tape over it and squirt some Oxy Clean on it. As we said in the past few bulletins, there's 8 bars..maybe 9 on our list. We're meeting at the new Blondies on Fort Street west of Rosa Parks.

We will have a bus picking up and dropping off in Ann Arbor. We need feedback on the two possible locations. Its either at the Blind Pig or Ann Arbor brewing company. Which is best for you? Bus will leave at 7pm SHARP! If you're taking that bus let others in A2 know whats going on.

All the bars on our list are doing something special for us Santas. Drink specials, special band line-ups (will post that info soon). Its going to be fun ... even without Kwame. Please check back on this page for updates and blogs.

p.s. We WIll have two buses picking up and dropping off at theatre bizarre. If you've been living under a rock Theatre Bizarre is on State Fair (7 1/2 mile) 2 blocks east of Woodward. Should work out well for all you Ferndale area Santas.

December 4, 2008 - We don't like to see Drunken Santas in jail. So between lining up a designated driver and/or showing a little interest in one's self preservation, we're also doing our part and will have 2 buses again: one in the Ferndale area (theatre bizarre) and possibly another bus in Ann Arbor again. Anyone in the Ypsitucky/A2 area chide in and let us know if its needed again. Ideally 25 people From A2 make it worthwhile. The Ann Arbor bus(if we do it) will pick up somewhere in downtown A2 (last year it was at Arbor Brewing Company and it's looking like that will be the place again.) at 7pm sharp and that bus will leave Detroit at 1:30-2am. from Blondies, our starting point.

December 4, 2008 - Another Santarchy is around the corner... Yesss it will go on... Even if Kwame can't make it this year. I know a few of you are in mourning over all that crap and will sit this year out in your quiet vigil but... eh? whatever... We gots drinkin' to do cuz lame ass vigils usually don't involve liquorin' and chicks pukin' on yer santa suit(or vice versa). Anyways... Detroit has endured yet another year of virtual butt rape at the hands of evil men in high places. It is only natural that we all get our one night to let loose, have a few cocktails, and laugh our asses off at each other since laughing at cops and other people in authority (the man) could land us in the pokey. I'm not sure how Santa would do in jail?? Who wants to find out? That WOULD top any thug gang bragging rights... Oh yeah??? "well... when I was in jail... I F%$@ed Santa"...whah?? I digress.

Where's literary intervention when you need it? I'ts not in a bottle of Svetka vodka... trust me. I know everyone wants details. Here's a few. This year's starting point is Blondies on Fort Street, 2 blocks west of Rosa Parks. Not actually Rosa Parks... She's dead, but the street named after her.

They have a gated parking lot for those of you who want a car to drive back home in. There should be plenty there when we get back. Our usual starting spot (Gaelic League) is still on our list of stops so don't freak out and have a baby (red hair,pale skin and bad teeth) Bad Irish joke..sorry ...Santa jests..relax. I need a few giggles now and then or an Elf goes in the wood chipper. We have 8 bars on our list but a much tighter route. Last year we had a couple tarded bus drivers who got lost, parked, or blew by people wanting rides. This year Santa put on on his Iron fisting Glove... I mean er... Iron fist... drifted off there... Someone click off that video!!! Its messing me up!!! .....ok, ok... Its straightened out. The buses will run constantly between all 8 bars so there should never be more than a 7-12 minute wait between buses. Might be the last year that we're allowed to celebrate Santarchy outside of a FEMA camp so laugh it up, let loose and be thankful for things that really matter.

Thanks, Santa. ...My beer got warm and I'm PISSED !!!!!!!!!! One Thing I can't stand is WARM BEER !!!!!

More crap to follow...
p.s. Do we need to send a bus to/ from Ann Arbor this year?? let Santa know.

October 14, 2008 - People have been asking about when the DetroitSantarchy is this year. There is not much else to say about the planning yet, but this years event will take place on Saturday December 20, 2008.

  
Hey! Aren't you my ride?

!!!! And remember, always be a fun but responsible Santa. Have a designated driver for the trip home at the end of the night. And not just any designated driver either. Get a non-drinking one. !!!!

Need a cab? Checker Cab 313-963-7000

December 21, 2007 - Old crusty Santa is still recovering from last Saturday. I was a swattin' at spiders that were not there for three days and a shakin' something fierce. Hopefully you had as good a time as I did, and maybe you're still trying to put the pieces together from that night. Well, this is where we can help each other remember the black out. So if you would like to share a picture or two with us from this year's event, please send an to email to santarchist at detroitsantarchy dot com. We haven't received much yet in the way of pictures, but if you would like to see what we have had a chance to put up, please go here.

We're on MySpace

Keep up with the latest news. Become one of our friend at MySpace.com. http://www.myspace.com/detroitsantarchy

Metrotimes Article

There was an article about our event from 2004 in the Metrotimes, written by Sarah Klein. You can link to it here. And once again, we at DetroitSantarchy want to thank the bars for hosting us.

Wanna Share a Picture?

If you would like to share a picture or two with us after this year's event, please send an to email to santarchist at detroitsantarchy dot com.

The Test:

And finally, maybe you're visiting this site because you've heard of Santarchy, but you wonder if you're 'Santa Enough' to participate? Well wonder no more. We've provided a little quiz for you to find out -- just take the test. See you soon.